Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
