Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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