If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
