The maid of honor just puked.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
