her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
