are you so shy because you have an std?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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