I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No subtext here. People are naked.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
