I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
