Got a toothbrush?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
