God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
