I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
