dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
