guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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