I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
