it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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