I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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