Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
