i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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