I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
