i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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