i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I want is dick and wine.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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