I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
