Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
