bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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