The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize