Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
