It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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