I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize