Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
