dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
