If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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