i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
