i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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