HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
