My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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