Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
