sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize