We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
