wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
