He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
