So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
