saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
