Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
