Pappa wants mamma naked
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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