i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
