I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
