I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I could fuck to npr.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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