Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
