I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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