I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
