Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
