i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
