just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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