i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
