did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
