He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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