I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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