i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
