The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
