I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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