my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
