i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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