You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have fence marks all over my body
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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