it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
