I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
