2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
