dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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