his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
True college students do jello shots in the library
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
