dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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