Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
