i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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