are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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