I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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