do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
